it is interesting to witness, the colorful eccentricities which characterize and ultimately become source traits for the individuals that i have been lucky (and on various circumstances rather unlucky) to include in my limited understanding of life. the complexity of the human mind, which influences human behaviour, never ceases to amaze and amuse me. i have noticed a stark change in my own habits and temperament, for example, around forces/beings newer to my lifetime, which 'radiate' the light of their own personalities - the light does not hit me and deflect, rather i absorb some of the energy and incorporate it into my own. i am not entirely sure if these defective changes of energy are cemented into permanency, however have come to the conclusion that since we are still in our formative years, our perceptions are constantly subjected to change - that is to say we have lived every moment hitherto as formless - the concrete did not exist for it to crack or crumble.
though i stand a spectator a midst these various energies, most clearly visible to me is my own energy. what exists internally is not a morbid, perverse monster afraid of being seen in its true form... rather a secretive, seductive, deeper alertness, too close to my ego and consciousness to be let out into such a dynamic environment. thus i shield myself from the blinding intensity of my surroundings, and introduce to you a dampened version of my light, that is to say a 'sane' version of myself, containing the crazy to an inconspicuous, diminutive... "spark".
for those of you who look for real light shining from the depths of any individual, it is rarely found and difficult to miss. you will instantly realize that you are in the company of those who have already understood and come to terms with who they really are. those lucky ones existing in peace with their own energies, influencing rather than being influenced, shining their sun-like rays upon everything else, only to be admired, while i continue to flicker in doubt.
