Keep in touch.

"I am notoriously bad at keeping in touch. It's not that I don't think of people, and it's not even that I don't think of getting in touch. I'm too perfectionist about it. If I call, I've got to be in the exactly right frame of mind to talk. If I write, I've got to have the exactly right words that will be worthy of the recipient's time. The same goes for e-mail. Blog comments? They'll hang around on someone else's blog forever! What could I say that would be worth that?

I keep waiting for the right time to phone or write, and days stretch into months into...

I've lost touch with more people that way - people that I've really wanted to stay in touch with."

EXACTLY. ON THE SPOT. BINGO. DING DING DING.
Whoever wrote that gets exactly how I feel.

Is this love?

I want to spend all of my time with you, but sometimes I can't stand to. I want to make a memory with you, but sometimes I wonder if you're the right one to make it with. Why would I doubt you, you ask? Don't you love me enough? But thats just it. Once again comes a time every single person in the would know of only too well; when you realize that too much is never enough. Theres always going to be something missing. Its not that I don't love you, for I do more than you know, and more than you ever will. Its not that we don't get along - for sometimes it seems as if we were made to be together. I can almost see a family, two smiling children, the soccer classes, the american breakfast. You and me in an Air conditioned room with a white blanket and light blue sheets. I know you'll lift me up when times get rough. I know I'll support you and kick the sorry ass of anyone who tries to bring you down. So how'd we wind up like this? Still don't understand?

Think of it like this. Picture an isobaric P-V graph. A line going straight on for a really, really long time. Now picture an isochoric graph. A line going all the way down to the ground and then ceasing to exist ...on the graph. You and me are doing perfectly fine, things can't get any better. And then *BOOM* we're at the bottom before any of us realizes it.

Different takes on it>?

Juno MacGuff: I'm just like losing my faith with humanity.
Mac MacGuff: Can you can narrow that down for me?
Juno MacGuff: I just wonder if like, two people can ever stay together for good.
Mac MacGuff: You mean like couples?
Juno MacGuff: Yeah, like people in love.
Mac MacGuff: Are you having boy troubles? Because I gotta be honest with you; I don't much approve of dating in your condition, 'cause well... that's kind of messed up.
Juno MacGuff: Dad, no!
Mac MacGuff: Well, it's kind of skanky. Isn't that what you girls call it? Skanky? Skeevy?
Juno MacGuff: Please stop.
Mac MacGuff: [persisting] Tore up from the floor up?
Juno MacGuff: That's not what it's about. I just need to know that it's possible that two people can stay happy together forever.
Mac MacGuff: Well, it's not easy, that's for sure. Now, I may not have the best track record in the world, but I have been with your stepmother for 10 years now and I'm proud to say that we're very happy.
[Juno nods]
Mac MacGuff: Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.

***

Narrator(After Summer breaks up with Tom): If Tom had learned anything... it was that you can't ascribe great cosmic significance to a simple earthly event. Coincidence, that's all anything ever is, nothing more than coincidence... Tom had finally learned, there are no miracles. There's no such thing as fate, nothing is meant to be. He knew, he was sure of it now.

Tom: You don't want to be named as anybody's girlfriend, and now you're someone's wife?
Summer: Well, you know, I guess it's 'cause I was sitting in a deli and reading Dorian Gray and a guy comes up to me and asks me about it and... now he's my husband.
Tom: Yeah. And... so?
Summer: So, what if I'd gone to the movies? What if I had gone somewhere else for lunch? What if I'd gotten there 10 minutes later? It was - it was meant to be. And... I just kept thinking... Tom was right.
Tom: No.
Summer: Yeah, I did.
[laughs]
Summer: I did. It just wasn't me that you were right about.

***

"When I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales you meet Prince Charming and he's everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair."
— Taylor Swift

***

"Well you know, in every relationship... ones a runner and ones a chaser. Which one are you?"

***

"Don't think that after break up your so called partner whose "finally rid of you" is really free. Its a strange kind of pain. Its like, you know you weren't meant to be... and so you made a choice and stuck with it. But now theres no-one to talk to at night. You're all on your own again, and you have to look for someone to make things alright. I think its worse than losing someone you love." - Akanksha Arora

***


Timeless tragedy. People keep singing about it. Its quoted in movies, and books. Its secretly hidden in every pop, rock, and even instrumental number. Its what nerds dream about, jocks take for granted, girls try to define (Ha.), and the reason for every failed marriage.

Facebook.

It starts with a constriction in my chest. I look around the room for something to distract me - but it isn't of any use. At this point I can hear my heart pound. My mother walks in. Asks me a question or two. Uses my bathroom. I quickly become aware of my hands which were shaking less than a minute ago. Clench my fists. Push a flick back. Scratch my nose while talking to her. I have absolutely no idea of what I just said. She leaves. I shut my eyes and sigh - or atleast try to, there doesn't seem to be any air going in or out. I go through everything again and again in my head, trying to make sense of it all. A strange emptiness slowly starts to fill me up, trickling down all the way to my toes. Something I can recognize because I've felt this way before, but if ever asked to describe it, could never find the right words.

I did regret, then, being apart of the Social Networking site, something that keeps you constantly under the spotlight which you pretend to hate so much - but then the minute you can't keep a constant check on whats happening... you've missed out.
Its like waking up from a coma and finding that the whole world has moved on;
no-one could ever understand how you feel though, because you haven't yet.

(Lol not based on how I feel generally, rather on a bad experience)

Ramblings.

Girl: I wasn't being sarcastic, you already know my sarcasm is really easy to spot. I don't know how to be subtle.
Boy: Off course you don't.
Girl: Oh that's hilarious.
Boy: What is?
Girl: Your sarcasm?
Boy: Well atleast I'm open about it. The truth about you is that you have a dark side, you're just pretending that you don't. Which is stupid. Because everyone has one.
Girl: ...
Boy: You were taking a shot. And someone took a shot back. Hold what you said to your heart and put up a fight. Running away won't win you any respect.
Girl: But why does it matter to me? Why do they matter to me?
Boy: Because you think they're better than you. But they aren't.
Girl: And whose to say that now?
Boy: Because if someone took a shot back at you, it was to try and belittle you. The only reason anyone would want to do that would probably be because you trampled all over their huge, pulsating ego. Sure, you mess up somtimes. But you don't live with that burden.
Girl: What burden?
Boy: Being insecure upto the extent of trying to make yourself feel better about your existence by constantly putting others down.
Girl: Why are they like that?
Boy: I'm not entirely sure. But sometimes I wish people as intelligent as them would try and put their smarts to use instead of being a public annoyance.
Girl: So they're not important?
Boy: They're not important.

Paradoxical Architecture.

Yes, to be completely honest with you, I was thinking of inception when I wrote that title.
So I'm watching the Social Network, using my dad's laptop - not because its super cool or anything, but because he chose to steal mine which is bigger, better ...and well alright it isn't better but it contains most of my recorded work and audacity (its an awesome software, download if you like messing with the physics of music) and so it pisses me off to a large extent to see him type fast on "efbee" from his alternate ID called "Alter Ego". No, he doesn't have a girlfriend, its more along the lines of he likes to address social issues with a whole bunch of jobless hobos/hippies who think they can change the world with a click of a button. Yes, yes, I am aware that a digital raindrop can turn into a pixel-by-byte tsunami in the internet ocean; The best example of that would be the Jasmine revolution (which I didn't know anything about till we were asked to write about Libya when it was Endeavour house's turn to do the Wall Magazine). I'm glad that they're fighting for their freedom, but are they really getting anywhere? Sorry - too mean.
Going along with the constant stream of thought here.
Everyone's leaving. Some of them already got into college - I can still see my mother pointing a finger at me and telling me infront of my best friend that I'm going to miss him like crazy after he leaves. But that's just it.
Perhaps it hasn't hit me that they're going, or perhaps distance simply isn't a factor anymore - but I don't feel anything at all. All I can think about is that they're all actually GETTING into good colleges - will I be able to do the same?
Sure I'm good at music. Sure, I can play. But I make mistakes.
There are so many people out there in the world who can probably play better than I can. I know I understand music better than most people do, (And please. I'm not tooting my own horn here. I'm not particularly good at most things - including art, poetry, maintaining good reputations, and err. Friendships?) but I've always believed (always use this as a way of making yourself feel better) that there are 10 people in the world who are feeling EXACTLY the way that you feel right now, at this very moment. (Probably the wrong estimate, there could be hundreds, thousands.. but who wants to be miserable right?)
Am I good enough? Do I have the potential to be the Mark Zucherburg of music?
Can I be the next 'Hans Zimmer'? As Enya constantly however correctly repeated in celtic song verse - Only time can tell.
I think along with 10% luck (which is on perpetual PMS in my case), there comes a 90% requirement of hard-fucking-work. And I'm a lazy child.
So what I need is constant motivation. Something to drive (Psychological term, happy now Shweta?) me forward to be the best I can be. And so that brings us back to the start, me sitting on my bony ass. No wait, me sitting on my bony ass watching "The Social Network" and simultaneously reading up on majors in music along with googling a bit on Zimmer.
See its not much ya? But its definately a start.

RAYMAAANNNN < 3

Wanna get to know me better?
Go to youtube, type in "Rayman sountrack 3"
Listen to,
1) Outside the fairy council
2) Ascending the tower
3) Land of the living dead
4) The magic hoodoo theme
I know they aren't amazing on their own... but they're game soundtracks that I've never been able to forget. It's been 7 years :')
Whenever I listen to them I feel magical in a way I can't seem to explain.

Tuck Everlasting (Theme)

This is one of the only songs in the world that can make me cry right from the start.
What a masterpiece, even the movie T_T