random sketch ^^

tarana lost her mind cap.

A . P . O . O . R . V . A

{i hope oneday you feel as free as you did right then.}

so theres this girl i know.
whats funny about this, is that im blogging about someone i was destined to hate.
i met her through her husband to be.
messed that up, so it became her ex-boyfriend.
now I realise that he's messed up, and hence; the random ass.
moving on.

shes eighteen years old.
her life's a continuous series of DID-THAT-JUST-HAPPEN-TO-HER?'s.
shes been through so much. so much you can't even understand how much. sometimes her tolerance overwhelms me. othertimes, her childishness does. and SOMETIMES, so help me god, i want to murder her because of how stupid she is. but then theres something really, really lovely about her;

shes got the soul of a lion. shes just so, insanely strong.. that i just KNOW in the end she'll make it through.
then she smiles at me, and with such grace.. tells me she knows.

alpha + beta = tarana

okay, so i should be studying.
the fact of the matter is, i should have STUDIED. like earlier, when the rest of the world was slogging, and i was procrastinating.
now my preboards are on, and uh, im still procrastinating.
have i ever mentioned that i abso-freaking-lutely loathe exams?
well.
i loathe exams. despise them.
i miss the days back when we had freedom.
i miss sleepovers. raindances. holi. diwali. yahoo conferences. 12 hour phone calls.
{phone bills = dad having cow.} parties. birthdays. crushes. holidays. television.
simple, plainhearted, FUN.
and now its aaall about the grade.
no matter what i do, im always thinking about it.
i actually have to CHOSE between giving time to studies, and my music.
its beyond lame.
and plus i know i can do better. im just too lazy, i dont want to wake up yet.
another fact of the matter is, that if i cared enough to write this note.. then theres obviously still some goodness left.
i'll probably work for 10 hours a day and get a 95, what with my dad hawking me the way he has been lately. which is so not the point.

i don't like the system. i don't think that this is what we should be tested on.
i don't like school. any stupidfuck could read a book 20 times and ace a test.
i think learning is about other things, like.. life. god. salvation. music. love. religion. food. travelling around the world. experience. pain. discovery. ethics. philosophy. quantum physics. astronomy. research. memories. friendship. leadership. fixing lives. helping others. understanding of human nature. animals.

i dont see how such a mundane syllabus, filled with monotonous topics like "manufacturing industries" or "panchayati raj" can help me with any of that. Damn the thick-headed syllabus for the CBSCE zombie race. Damn the board examinations. I just want to feel like i'm sixteen, and enjoy my goddamn self.