To be honest, he's been saying it for a while now, but I never really gave a damn - afterall he's young and dumb.
I hope he reads this later.
Anyway all this while he's been telling me that I'm "dreamy". Wtf does that even mean right?
He says it to me 500 times per day - if I lose my glasses, or talk about my future career options, or even discuss issues with peers. Dreamydreamydreamy.
"You're an idiot, Tarana." "Seriously? YOU'RE BEING DREAMY AGAIN."
I didn't get what he was saying until mom explained it to me in the car yesterday, as we were on our way to Fresco - this AWESOME restaurant in Ambience, I feel so happy suddenely - but more on that later.
Mom also explained to him that his observations were brilliant - but his terminology was disgusting, and that he should read more to become articulate, after which I laughed at him, and in response, he stole my ipod earphones. Not cool.
ANYWAY, what he meant by dreamy, was that I was always lost in my own little world. Now that sounds very cute ya? In reality, its disasterous.
In my world - inspired by countless television shows, movies, books yaddayadda - everythings pretty much perfect.
I seem to expect more out of everything, the high school experience, parties, families, and most of all - people.
I keep wanting things to happen in a certain way, I keep fantasizing about a life that really lives upto the all the quotes that people've written about it.
It like going to a restaurant thats been globally acknowledged for how bloody amazing the lobster is, and then being presented with a shitty undercooked substitute.
Alot of times I look outside my window, wishing I lived somewhere more beautiful.
I keep thinking about leaving, but then when I get to the other side - I miss the way things were back then.
Life is overrated. Truth is, the kind of things I want are things I might never have.
Perhaps all the people walking on the red carpet, singing on stages, acting in movies - perhaps they aren't as sparkly clean as they look. Perhaps they look in the mirror and wish they were just like us.
I keep complaining about how I never fit in, I fight so hard to go there, pretend to have the time of my life, and come home with a sullen face.
How the hell are people happy with what they have? How do you do that?
And why isn't life like a television show? Why on earth would they want people to experience life outside of the box - but then take it away from them in just a few hours?
I want someone to quote me. I want to get drunk with Brooke Davis, or perform surgery with Grey. I want to outsmart House, or kick Batman's ass.
I want background music to play a hellogoodbye song while I make out with the jock.
I want to switch places with my mom, or save my son from being kidnapped.
I want friends that will actually, grow old with me. I want to go to a concert and have the time of my life.
I want Regina George to talk about me.
I want to live in with my best friend.
I want to have a paintball fight with Heath Ledger.
I want to be motherfucking rich like Blair, or die of overdose like Jim Morrison.
Actually scratch that last one.
I want to drive around with some guy I just met in a yellow car, looking for "wheres fluffy".
I want a best friend like Peyton Sawyer.
I want to fucking meet Juno, and Harry.
I want hair like Avrils, and a voice like Amy Lee's.
I want people who I can relate to. Why is it so easy to relate to a character on television, or in a story - but not in real life?
Its frustrating, and I sound incredibly stupid, but I'm actually being honest this time. I don't think I'll ever be happy unless I learn to accept that life isn't really like the movies; I'll be secretly stuck as the misfit forever.
I certainly can't reside in my bubble, no matter how exhilarating it is.
Its either that, or I find a way to live the crazy life that I dream about, or magically stumble upon the people I've been waiting for.
