an utterance of those words which terrify me so, and once they're out - they're out. a few glorious moments of liberation. thats all i wanted - but then those eyes stopped me. everytime i look into them i fail to understand what lies within. all i can see is a reflection of myself - and i see too much. here i am again, so vulnerable, so ready to give you absolutely everything i have to offer. here i am, inches away from your face, breathing heavily, wondering how to formulate into words these cluttered, confused thoughts. here you are, holding me by my hair and demanding from me exactly what i can't give you...and then you despise me! i remember the warm breath that lightly grazed my ear when you calmed me. i remember the quiet tremble of my voice when i denied you that convenience, pushing you away though i desperately wanted to pull you closer. i remember how every moment became torturous when time seemed to slow down, and there was no-one in the world but you and i. as if it wasn't hard enough to ignore your mere presence; you made it harder for me to hold my own with those lips...made it so easy to believe all your lies. i know who you are, but it doesn't matter to me anymore.
